The amazing talent of words....

August 4, 2012 I oftentimes wonder where authors come up with their ideas. So many good authors can write so beautifully and spin a story so beautiful and intriguing that you can’t put it down. I am reading a Dean Koontz book, The Light of the Moon, and I am captivated by this suspenseful tale. His creativity amazes me. How did he come up with a story about a guy and a girl who gets injected by a substance that gives them special “gifts?” How did he come up with the scenarios he uses in the book? I don’t want to give away any details because I want whoever reads this to pick up the book and read it for himself or herself. But the situations are not typical or “cookie-cutter”, they are unique and fascinating. I have not read any other Koontz book so I do not know if his work follows a formula or not. He is a well established author so if they don’t, that would prove his talent in more ways then one. I wish I had the gift to write like Koontz or at least the creativity to do so. I would love to touch someone’s life through the gift of literature even if it is just a form of entertainment for a limited time. To have the gift of words would be a dream come true. I can barely keep up with this blog, but I don’t know of anyone who actually reads my ramblings anyway. I have a constant writer’s block. I mean when I am home alone, my imagination is incredibly active, and I can think of more than one way in which someone could break into my house, or hurt me ,and how I would try and stop it. Every noise I hear heightens my imagination, and I am mentally living the scariest thriller in the world until I double and triple check my house before feeling safe enough to fall asleep. But when I sit down and try and remember my mental rambles and put pen to paper, my mind is blank. Maybe, when I have a night like that I should just write what is on my mind and then add some characters to it. Ha-ha I don’t always live in mental anguish, so I am not crazy or anything. I am sure any female who has stayed alone has had these thoughts once upon a time. Do not deny it! I just wish I could make something good out of mentally torturing myself when I am perfectly safe. Who doesn’t love a good thriller? I know I do, but maybe that is just my problem. What does it take to be a good author like Emily Giffin, Dean Koontz, Barbara Delinsky, Kate White, Frank Tallis, Kate Wilhelm (one of the best!) and many other authors that I absolutely love? How do the ideas come to them? How do they put it on paper and spin an amazing story? How do they know what to research to make the tale believable? How do they know how to write to their audience? How do they build characters and make them relatable? Do they have a story from beginning to end before they write or write it out as it comes to them? How do they get from the beginning of the story and come to an amazing conclusion? Do they actually follow the ever-popular writing steps that we learn in school? And most importantly, how do I find out the answers to all these questions? It takes talent to be a successful author. I wonder if writing is a talent you are given at birth or is it something you can to learn to do. It doesn’t matter either way, words make my life more enjoyable and I envy those who have a gift with them. They touch my life and I would love to be able to do the same for others. Does anyone else have questions like these that fascinate them? Is there a talent or a gift that you wish you had?

Emotions are powerful. Sometimes they overcome me at the most random time. Like right now I feel a wave of tears that I can't quite find a reason for. I guess we all have these moments sometimes, moments where our emotions get a hold of us and won't let go. I guess I do have some things to stress about, a new job, hubby deploying, and being away from my family and friends. I try not to think of things like that because, honestly, as a military spouse it comes with the package, but right now, it's an intense feeling. I am dreading this upcoming deployment. It's the first one I will experience as a wife. I have been through one before but I was home with my family and friends and were were only dating at the time. I now have a job and own a house here, where we are posted, and I just don't feel it necessary to leave. It's only 9 months, right? Well, anyway, that is my random thought at the moment. I know if you are a military spouse, facing deployment, you understand my emotional state right now. Things will be fine and I will survive but that doesn't change the stigma. Well goodnight all/. Signing off,

My Review for Water for Elephants

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

My rating: 5 of 5 stars






An atmospheric, gritty, and compelling novel of star-crossed lovers, set in the circus world circa 1932, by the bestselling author of "Riding Lessons." "Gritty, sensual and charged with dark secrets involving love, murder and a majestic, mute heroine (Rosie the Elephant)."Q"Parade." - synopsis from goodreads.com



This book is utterally amazing! I love the way Ms. Gruen could effortlessly go back and forth to the old man in the retirement home and his memories of traveling with the Circus. This book was so full of well rounded characters and the story moved on smoothly. I love the ending, but I won't spoil it! I could barely put this book down. I can't wait till I watch the movie!



View all my reviews

My Review, The Hunger Games

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


I have to be honest, when I first started this book, I was appalled at the idea of games. The Hunger Games are pretty much a fight to the death betweeen 24 mostly, poor, starving teenagers to show the power of the "capitol." The Capitol apparently took over 13 districts (one that was destroyed) who all had a certain specialty (like mining), but were kept poor and under control(scare tactics). The games are pretty much modern day gladatorial games and the idea of that almost made me put down the book, but as an educator I persisted. Once I hit the part that was highlighting the games, I could not put the book down. I wanted to see how things played out. I am glad that I prevailed. Yes, the idea of the games are still appalling but I liked how Ms. Collins played out the story. I am currently reading the next one in the trilogy, very curious how things are going to play out.

I like to look at the content in the back of the books and see the extra stuff that is usually added and Sara Collins added her purpose for writing the book. The purpose for her writing this book was to shine light on how war effects the impressionable youth. This book is similar to The Giver and in Atlas Struggled,in the way that, the stories are a bit extreme, but the senerios are interesting. In this book in particular, it is the youth who take on the post war pressures ,literally. They are to provide for their struggling families and in doing so they increase their odds of being thrown into an arena and fight to the death once a year. So not only are they to provide for the family but they are also at risk to have to go to "war" and defend the name of their district.

There is so much more I have to digest in this book because I know that it is chalk full of symbolism. It is very well written and I doubt that I have even scratched the surface of what this book has to offer. This is the eppitomy of good literature, the author has a reason behind her story and she has put into detail her thoughts in the form of symbols that I really want to take time to dig into. AMAZING. I hope that the rest of the trilogy is as well written as this first book.


I am curious though, what age group would this book be recommended for? It's content isn't real gory, like she doesn't focus on the gore, but on the characters reactions to it. But I am really not sure if I would encourage a child under 13 years old to read it. I would defintely put it up for discussion in a High School Classroom.



View all my reviews

New house new improvements

These are before and after pictures....details below. :)

It has been a while since I made a post and I think I want to start blogging on here again. Since my last post, I have moved twice and have finally landed at our "perminant" duty station and have bought a home. I am now able to experience the true army life, good and bad. No complaining here , Life will always be challenging whether my husband is in the army or not. I actually love the life I live.
I am thinking of revamping this blog to focus on the ins and outs (ups and downs) of army life and other life things that may strike my fancy. I am also planning on posting pictures as we make home improvements on our new house. It may teach others how to do these things (especially women like me who sometimes need to take things into our hands due to our husband's busy schedudele)as I do them and share my learning experience with you. It might even prevent you from making any mistakes I make along the way.

Well without further ado, here are some home improvement pictures. In this post I will only post about my blinds adventure and I will post a seperate adventure in my next post. Lets just say I am not perfect and I am doing all these things for the first time, so I am actually proud of what little I have accomplished. lol

My Blind's adventure. :)

First aspect of my blind adventure was measuring the windows I wanted to cover, going to the store and picking them up and then accidently switching them around. lol I am not changing it now, but it is kind of funny. They look fine, though, right?



Before and after picures (above) - only window one, window two not pictured.


The reason I call this an adventure is because I didn't exacally know what I was getting into lol. Yes, to install blinds, its just a few screws you screw in the wall through hardware which connects the blinds to the wall excetera. , but when the prior owners left many holes where they had their blinds that I had to work around and then my first few attempts the hardware fell out of the wall (yes each time) till I realized that I maybe using the wrong type of screw. Well, anyway after I mastered the art of screwing nails into the wall and learning to pre-screw (I don't have a drill) so that the hardware attaches easier and using the right size screw (after like 2 hours ) window # 1 was done. (and yes it took just about that long and was very frustrating) Window two went up in a breeze. I guess I am a good learner lol. HANDY WOMAN TO THE RESCUE!!

Advice I would give to anyone putting up blinds for the first time (and having no home improvement experience whatsoever, like me) always,always measure and mark first. Pre-drill or pre- screw (literally screwing the screw in the premarked whole in the wall about half way and then take the screw out and place the brackets on the wall and then screw the hardware to the wall all the way. Oh, and check the strenth of the screws when you pre-screw by pulling lightly down on them to make sure your nails are holding tight and then redo the same test when you get the brackets into the walls. Oh, and if my intuision is right , if you are attaching the blinds to dry wall, use the skinner scews in the blinds kit. The fatter ones are probably for in window mouting or mouting on wood, because they would pull right out of the drywall, each and everytime for me until I switched to the skinner screws....frustration, yes. Once you get the blinds up make sure you slide the front piece into the brackets after you have the blinds sitting in them. If you don't the blinds will just fall out of the brackets once you try to close them ...no I did not make this mistake but I thought I would point it out just in case anyone needs to know. :) Well its off to bed for this girl. I hope you have a blessed night and thanks for reading.

My next adventures are ....painting my dining room walls by myself and possibly a dishwasher installation. Oh good gracious!!! Stay tuned!! :)
Goodnight,

One Word Answers

Not as easy as you might think! Copy and Paste into your own blog, change the answers to suit you. It's really hard to only use one word answers.

Where is your cell phone?
couch

Spouse?
amazing

Your hair?
messy

Your mother?
Melanie

Your father?
Michael

Your favorite thing?
computer

Your dream last night?
forgot

Favorite drink?
water

What room are you in?
livingroom

Your hobby?
Lazy

Your fear?
death

Where do you want to be in 6 years?
happy

Where were you last night?
home

Something that you aren't?
energetic

Muffins?
Homemade

Wish list item?
declutter

Last thing you did?
typed

What are you wearing?
soffes

Your pets?
Rocky

Friends?
silly

Your life?
changing

Your mood?
lazy

Missing someone?
hubby

Drinking?
Water

Your car?
Spectra

Something you're not wearing?
shoes

Your favorite store?
Old Navy

Your favorite color?
baby blue

When is the last time you cried?
forgot

Where do you go over and over?
Gym

Five people who email me regularly?
sparkpeople

Favorite place to eat?
macoroni grill

Favorite place I'd like to be right now?
Tennessee

Buffalo Chicken Tenders

Buffalo Chicken Tenders

Posted using ShareThis

My own website!

I sent this out to people who have ordered from me before, if there is anyone I missed or anyone interested in ordering from Beauticontrol, this is the email and my website. Please take a momet and shop around, there are some great christmas gifts you can order.
Thank you :)


I am emailing ya'll my beautipage just in case there is anything you need to reorder. The orders go directly to beauticontrol, which means your order will get to you quicker. I believe you can process cards on this site, so it is also more of a convience. Please take the time to look around and if you have any questions reguarding how to order products let me know. The website is http://www.beautipage.com/melissaarmato. Please take advantage of the great sales going on right now :). Marry Christmas everyone!
Signed.
Melissa Armato
Your Beauticontrol Consultant

If anyone is like me, I am now addicted to starbucks pumpkin spice latte. It is so yummy and gives me that taste of fall in my mouth. Since I can't afford a daily trip to starbucks I started looking around for a copycat recipe. This one is delicious and the only difference is I put the spices in the blender and then dust the top with the spices when I put it in the cup and I do not have the syrup on hand so I leave that part out and add splenda....so yummy! I found this recipe on coffesage.com



Pumpkin Spice Latte ( compare to Starbucks )
Note: if you are using the pumpkin spice syrup, you do not need the canned pumpkin
Ingredients:
1-2 shots espresso (1/4 C. espresso or 1/2 C. strong brewed coffee)
1 c. half and half
1 tb. canned pumpkin :: you may use either whole pumpkin or pie mix
1 tsp. Torani Pumpkin Spice Syrup
Optional pumpkin pie spice, nutmeg, or cinnamon.
Directions:
(no espresso machine?)

Pumpkin Spice Flavored Coffee from Honey Bean Coffee makes a great base, and it’s great all by itself.
To make a pumpkin latte in your home: In a small saucepan, stir pumpkin puree into half and half. Add the syrup. Heat on medium until steaming, stirring constantly. You do not want the milk to burn.
In a blender on high speed, use whip setting for 20 seconds until foaming. Pour the mixture into a tall glass and pour coffee over the top. Dust with ground pumpkin pie spice or nutmeg.

Pasted from

Spark People - July 30, 2009

Well I am super proud of myself today!!
I almost convinced myself not to go to the gym and put day 1 of week two off until tomorrow, but I didn't. I took a catnap, spent some time with the hubby and felt some energy so I told him "I am going to the Gym!!" lol pretty much just like that ha ha. He was like good baby I am proud of you :) see why I love him!!! Well I knew this would be a push because I am definitely not used to running more then a minute. (I have always been a sprinter) But I did it. I had to push myself a bit harder on the last two running intervals, but I did it!!!! can't wait till Day 2 of this week. And since Friday, I have only missed Saturday and yesterday in the gym....that is a high accomplishment to this three time a weeker :) I am so happy I went to the gym, definitely beats that margarita I was craving earlier!!! 30

Once I get used to making the gym a very important meeting for myself that I have just about every day I will tackle the diet portion head on, but I have already opted for healthier options like brown rice instead of white, eating lean meats and beans for protein a good portion of the time and also drinking more water, which I have always worked on since I started spark people. I am on my way to a better, healthier,sexier, and happier me. Thank you so much for all your support especially from Cyndi and Dawn...lately you two ladies have been my saving grace along with my hubby of course :)

Spark People - July 28, 2009

Well I finished my prescribed first week of c to 5K program and I feel so good about myself! I have kept up with training. Day 2 was the hardest physically on me because I was going in between 3.5 and 4.5 but since 4.5 on the treadmill is a little bit of an uncomfortable jogging (to slow) speed, I upped it to 5.0. But for some reason I just wasn't staying loose enough and my calves and shins felt uncomfortable and I feared a shin splints and went in between 3.0 - 5.0. but I felt that 3.0 wasn't brisk enough for a brisk walk so I stayed between 3.5 - 5.0 on day three (which was today).

Today (day 3) I was at the gym at 7:15 which in its self is an accomplishment. I am glad I did go that early today because I definitely wasn't feeling the gym when I got off of work but I still may do upper body here at home. I do not normally do 2 workouts in a day, but I only had a little bit of time in the morning to go to the gym, so I did my half an hour run this morning and I am thinking about doing my upper body today because I want to do legs on my rest day. I will see how I do on that but my next goal today is to work on buying some healthy groceries for very little money, grocery game. com and couponmom.com here I come! Wish me luck. :)

This past week (week starting on Friday lol) I have pushed myself harder in my cardio then I ever have. I have also made it to the gym to do something just about everyday since starting the C to 5k program. I feel so invigorated but I can feel the slight struggle that I have had in keeping up with my program because my body isn't used to more then 3 gym days a week in well, as long as I can remember, so I feel a slight toll, but I am going to push through it because its making me stronger and I am sick of feeling like I look disgusting because I have gained almost 15 pounds in the past year. Even though I am heading into my senior year in college it was the first year I was independent from my parents having to run a household with my hubby and having smaller then I am used to pay checks coming in...so I have fallen for the freshman 15....eeaakkk. But I am working to get back on track and my hubby is supporting me all the way.

212

I never knew how much I needed someone to help motivate me to work at a goal of mine, but I have always fallen through. Now I have my husband who I have included in my goal setting to an extent. I don't know why I was always kind of shy with including people in my goals, probably because I was afraid I would fail and that other person would be disappointed in me which is always the downside to my thought process. But having him involved has helped me gain motivation and also give him motivation (well to get out of bed and join me at the gym lol). But he is a certified personal trainer and I do need his expertise in this so I turned realistic and I showed him the program print out to see if he thought it was viable and he did. I also talk to him about how I am doing and how I feel about the program thus far. I search for his "I am so proud of you" speech just about every time I accomplish going to the gym because it helps me feel that accomplishment because it is a big deal....four days in one week and more to come this week big deal. He also asked me this morning my goal weight and I told him. I want to be back down to 110/111 (if I follow the healthy BMI) and asked him if he thought this was realistic and he said yes, because I was just there just about a year ago so I am happy to hear that.

Well the last thing I wanted to discuss in this super long blog entry lol is the pictures that I had above and what they are. I don't know if anyone recalls this but one of the spark people recommendations for staying motivated was to make a motivational collage of some sort. Well I only posted two of the pictures I found, but I searched for beautiful, seemingly fit pear shaped women to kind of give me an image in my head for how I want to look. I didn't want to look at things unrealistically this time so I searched for my body type in particular. I will add the remaining ones to my spark people and maybe make a poster of some sort for me to see that everyday. I want to do this to look good and feel good in my own skin. I want to build up a solid foundation to a healthy lifestyle for the rest of my life. I want to avoid the diabetes that does run in my family as well as the high blood pressure. I want to do this for me, for my husband, for my current family as well as my future family. I want to be an example to my future kids that a healthy lifestyle is the way to go.

Thank you for taking your time to read this lengthy blog but I had a lot to write about :)/

Good day!!!!

Missy

Couch - 5K W1D1

spark people :)

I did my first day on the couch to 5k program. I can't believe I was able to keep up with it. I downloaded the Podcast that was recommended on the team page and it helped keep me focus. I felt so energized and so good about myself. I have always been afraid of running because of my asthma, but I talked to my father in law and he said it actually helped his daughters asthma when she started to run. Even though my asthma is not severe at all I am always afraid of triggering it. But I did it and the program seems like it supports building up to full running to help your body adjust so I am comfortable doing it. I made it day 1 and in two days it will be day two, I will just be so proud if I keep it up and meet my goal to be able to run - maybe even a 5 k - :) I just want to learn how to run and build up my lung capacity and keep my heart healthy and loose this 10-15 pounds. I am excited....I am on my way to be a runner....I want to be addicted to it :)

Make today memorable - found this on a sparkpeople.com member's blog :)

Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is just a figment of the imagination. So if you think about it, today is the only day you’re alive. Today is the day that matters the most.

Here’s how to make it memorable:

* Try something totally new. – Variety truly is the spice of life. You can see or do something a million times, but you can only see or do it for the first time once. As a result, first time experiences usually leave a reflective mark in our minds for the rest of our lives. So spice it up!

* Entertain yourself with real-world experiences. – Great memories are the product of interesting life experiences. So turn off the television (or the computer) and get outdoors. Interact with the world, appreciate nature, take notice of the simple pleasures life has to offer, and just watch as life unfolds in front of you.

* Work on something that’s meaningful to you. – Engage yourself in a meaningful personal project. Or pull the trigger on doing something you’ve wanted to do for a long time, but haven’t yet had the resolve to do. Life is short. Today is the day to take action.

* Challenge your mind and body. – Learn a new skill. Be creative. Build something from the ground up, no matter how small. Run farther than you’ve ever run before. Push yourself to the limits!

* Concentrate on less, but give it your best. – Slow down. Pay close attention to what you’re doing. Don’t waste time juggling forgettable tasks. Instead, concentrate on a few things that really matter. Engage fully in this day.

* Say “yes” to a spontaneous opportunity. – Everything in life can’t be planned. Some of the greatest opportunities will knock on your door when you least expect them to. Be flexible, be spontaneous, and just say “yes.”

* Complete an important piece of unfinished business. – Today is a perfect day to finish what you started. Few feelings are more satisfying than the one you get after an old burden has been lifted off of your shoulders.

* Document your day. – Take lots of pictures. Keep a journal. Document your day so you can review it some other day. Many moons from now, these old photos and journal entries will ignite your recollection of great memories from the past.

* Smile, be positive, and notice what’s right. – Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad. It just depends on your perspective. And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should. Either you succeed or you learn something. So stay positive, appreciate the pleasant outcomes, and learn from the rest.

* Be authentic. Be true to yourself. – Judy Garland once said, “Always be a first rate version of yourself, instead of a second rate version of somebody else.” Live by this statement. There is no such thing as living a good day in someone else’s shoes. The only shoes you can occupy are your own. If you aren’t being yourself, you aren’t truly living… you’re merely existing. And no day spent n a phony state of mere existence will ever be memorable or worthwhile.

* Actively assist someone in need. – In life, you get what you put in. When you make a positive impact on someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact on your own life. Do something that’s greater than you, something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less. I promise, it will be an extremely rewarding experience. One you’ll likely remember forever.

* Share time with a good friend and experience life together. – Pink Floyd once said, “The memories of a man in his old age are the deeds of a man in his prime.” There are few things more satisfying than recounting the greatest moments of your life with your closest friends who lived these moments alongside you.

* Make a new friend. – People are interesting creatures, and no two people are exactly alike. So meet someone new today. Find out what makes them tick. They’ll likely open your eyes to fascinating ideas and perspectives. And you never know, they just might change your life.

* Do something fun and laugh your ass off. – Some of the most memorable moments in your life will be moments spent in laughter.

* Be present. Be here now. – I purposely left this bullet for last because it perfectly encompasses all of my previous points. – Don’t let your life slip by. Instead of dwelling on the past, or worrying about the future, just practice being and living in the ‘now.’ Remember, right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. Don’t miss it.

Taken from "Marc and Angel Hack Life" blog,
www.marcandangel.com/2009/06/29/how-
to-make-today-memorable/

Sounds like life to me - Daryl Worely

Sometimes I have to remember that it is life....and not someone or something out to get me...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CoFD0bIPuY

I just need to hear this song...sometimes I fight life like its out to get me....

Personality Test

I took this survey on a website greenfield.com.....a survey website....

IntriguingCongratulations!


You have just participated in our latest promotion which will give you some insight into your personality. The results of the survey are displayed below.


We hope this is enlightening and helpful. Take a look. It's fun!


Best,


The Community Team

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -



Melissa as a manager
You are very considerate towards your staff, putting their needs before anything else. If one of your staff has a problem then you treat it as your problem and do what you can to help. It doesn’t need to be a work related problem either.


Your team will always know where they stand with you, as you are reliable and dependable.


You make your office a pleasant place in which to work.



Playing to your strengths

Melissa

You are a reliable, safe pair of hands and can be relied upon to get things done. Any job that requires persistence and determination to see the work through to completion would play to your strengths.



Here's what works well for you

You are persistent


Implementation is one of your strengths


Supporting a team to achieve positive outcomes is where you thrive


You can be counted upon to stay with tasks, even those of a routine nature


Colleagues and clients find you approachable


You are always willing to offer a helping hand



Here's what you need to watch out for

Persistency can be a virtue however there does come a time when it's better to let go!


Meeting time deadlines could be a challenge when implementing tasks


Supporting the team is fine, do not be persuaded to tackle more of their work than they do


You are always pleasant and this stops you saying no when sometimes you should


Offering a hand is supportive, make sure others recognise when you are in need



Consultant's advice

Jobs that require a good listener with a sympathetic ear are ideal for you. You will shine in this kind of job and should enjoy promotion.


One of your more unusual abilities is conflict resolution. There are many jobs where being able to take the heat out of a situation is highly valued. You have a talent for this and should promote this to potential employers. It is also something you love to do.



How you react if late for an appointment
Sometimes you find it really difficult to break away from a meeting or whatever it is you are doing, and as a result you become late for appointments.


You really do need to say "No, I don't have another minute", and leave in time for your pre-arranged appointment.



Ability to Actively Listen
Melissa is the very person to lend a sympathetic ear to someone's worries or concerns. She is patient and encouraging and doesn't interrupt until the person has said all they want to say. She not only offers good advice but also a helping hand in that she will actively volunteer to do something that could help the situation.


Melissa does have a challenge in saying no. Her efforts at active listening could be interpreted by the person she has encouraged to say what needs to be said, and to whom she appeared sympathetic, that she is willing to take the problem from them and deal with it personally. She should listen and encourage but make sure that the person whose challenge it is has no doubts that she will be supportive - but they must deal with finding the solution.


Active listening requires that attention be paid to the person making their case. They should be encouraged by nods and requests for points of clarification. Paraphrasing what has just been said to ensure clarification lets the other person know that what they have said has been heard and understood.





Include this in your CV
Melissa is very good at remaining calm, cool, and collected even when completing the most complex tasks.



Intrigued?
Did you find out something interesting about yourself? Was it a surprise? Sometimes we can't spot our personality traits ourselves so why not get your friends to read your report and also test themselves.

With Father's day vastly approaching...

Facebook has this relative application and it prompted me to write why my father is so great so I wrote the following and I wanted to share.
It told me to tell everyone why my dad is so great....My dad is so great because no matter how little money we had and how much he had to work, he always provided for his family first. He always has and always will love his kids and grand kids unconditionally no matter how much they have/ will hurt him. And face it, I love being around and talking to my dad. I love him so much and the choices he makes on a daily basis scares me because I don't want to be without him, not yet, I am not ready. I love you daddy so much!

Roller Coaster

I am sure many have felt this way, your emotions are going up and down as if you are on a roller coaster. I am feeling that way right now. I am up and down. At times I am extremely happy or flirty and then a few hours later I feel like I want to cry. I don't always feel this way, just when I am working on something that stresses me out. I am in school and right now I am doubting the degree I am working on because I am not really sure if it is my passion. I am working on an education degree, but I couldn't tell you why I want to be a teacher or if I really even want to be a teacher. I love working with kids, that is my only reasoning behind it. Making a teaching career...I don't know...too much too it for too little pay. I thought I was the type of person that had a passion to help students and that the money doesn't matter, but lately its not been that way. Money is too tight right now and I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel, school is doing nothing but stressing me out, and all I want to do is cry when I sit down to do homework. I am not sure I can do it, I am not sure what I am passionate about. I am not sure if I can teach, my content knowledge is so shaky. I am forcing myself to finish for the sake of finishing but I am loosing interest in any of it. I need to find what I am good at and what I am passionate about and pursue that.

Sparkpeople most recent blog

I don't know if I will keep this up between the two websites. I am on a mission to feel better about myself and get back to a size that I am happy with. I mostly track this on sparkpeople because that is the theme of the site and it is good to keep a running log to keep yourself motivated.
So here is the one I posted today on sparkpeople.com
I had a great time at the sparkteam dinner. It was fun and uplifting for me, they made me feel so good about myself. I was complemented, I think I was even called the trophy for the team lol. The polk county team, at least those that I have meet are wonderful ladies and I wish them all the best. I have only made it to the gym once this week, had a rough day on and off yesturday, going today. I am determined! I need to go today and tomorrow to make my goal. I have a goal of three times a week...I may have to increase it because I usually make it one short of my goal on a weekly basis. Well I am heading to get a snack then gather my clothes (my husband and I can drop off the laundry on the way to the gym and multitask ) :) and then head to the laundry mat and the gym. I am feeling much better about myself, and I am happy to report I have styled my hair for a week straight!! amazing...I hope I can keep it up...my haircut is cute, I just can't get lazy!!

Last two blogs on sparkpeople - wanted to show

Thursday, May 28, 2009
I have a blog on blogspot (mwilson86.blogspot.com if anyone is interested) and I saw this 25 things I love entry from one of my friends, so I decided to make one for me. Even though I did get through it, it was a tough one for me to fill out. I just couldn't think of 25 things, I think I may of copies some of hers that I agreed with to fill in the empty spots. I just don't know what I love anymore, well besides My heavenly father, my husband, my family ,and my friends (whom I don't really see due to a move), accomplishing a to do list, ect. I just don't understand where that lively, vibrant, happy- go- lucky girl went. Sometimes its hard to drag me out of this house, unless of course its for my responsibilities like school and work. I am good at attending those. If I have to do it, I most likely will but other then that I am sitting here on the computer or watching TV. I don't like to go outside at night, I am just frightened. I just feel like there is always someone there trying to hurt me when I know in my heart that isn't exactly true. I shy away from things that seem fun and relaxing due to fear. I don't like going anywhere by myself. My dependence level has increase since my hubby (at the time, my boyfriend) returned from IRAQ. I never want to be apart from him, and he returned over a year ago. I know it drives him crazy at times...its like I was away from him for a while and I don't want to loose him again. But I will, he will eventually be deployed again I am sure. I just don't have motivation on my own. I don't know how to make life fun again. All I know is work, school, and home. All that I have here that makes me happy is my hubby and a friends that you can count on one hand. I don't even enjoy my friends when I go back home. I guess I just need to keep moving, start searching, and create that happiness in my life.

Sorry its so sad, but I had to get it down...maybe someone has experienced this and knows what I am going through and can help me through it.

Missy


Sunday, May 31, 2009
After my painful realization (read the last blog if you are confused lol) I am working to make myself happy first. I have an issue with doing things for myself, but I am at my happiest when I do. I just commented some of my friends on myspace...tacky...I know, but I miss the days when I actually communicated with them. I haven't been myself in a really long time and I know they noticed. I don't know where it all started I just know I lost myself. I don't have a bad life, just a really busy school schedule and trying to make money working part time and moving out on my own and getting married...its a full plate and I think in the mist of it I lost me. My friends haven't said anything directly but I can see it in the way they respond to me when I am back in Stuart and we do hang out...they don't know who this is. My husband has noticed it and it has hurt him...so I know I had to do something..I didn't feel good about myself, that and stress, has made me run to seclusion.

So I thought long and hard about what made me happy in the past. Pictures, music, nature, working out, my hubby, my friends, my family, spending time on myself...spending money on my hair, making me feel good about myself, working on my spirituality (still bitter sweet). So I took action. I got my hair cut, I am working out, jamming out to music, taking pictures ,again...man I miss the days....and spending good quality time with my precious hubby, and trying to keep in communication with my friends and family.

I miss me and I am sure everyone else does to, but right now I am just feeling this happiness, I can't even explain it. I have homework, housework, and work to do, but I feel innately happy right now....

My lesson (if you didn't quite grasp it in my mumbo jumbo lol) I am Working on myself first. Feeling good about myself gives me the personal happiness I need to carry in my relationships (and bring me out of seclusion) to make them work :)

I am back, and I better stay back!
*~Missy~*

25 Things I love

25 Things I Love

1. My Lord (even when I am running scared)

2. My sweet, amazing hubby

3. Making it to the gym

4. Accomplishing a to do list

5. Amazing pictures

6. My family (well that is comprised of many more then one slot haha)

7. My friends (dito above)

8. Going out on a date with my hubby

9. Hugs

10. kisses

11. Being organized

12. Any stress free moment

13. Getting a good grade

14. Pizza

15. Being happy

16. being organized and clean.

17. Letting go of things I can't control

18. laughing

19. smiling

20. Cooking a good mean

21. getting dessert (preferably, anything chocolete)

22. being in love.

23. Holding hands

24. Fresh fruit and veggies

25. wintertime