Reality is coming into play

Well today at 7 pm he is getting on the plane and heading over. This is when reality is going to truly set in. He will no longer be in the states and the true feeling of a National Guardsman's girlfriend will set in. I will be ok, I know I will but just that depression feeling is setting in. I just have to throw myself a pity party, let the emotions come out so I can work through them. I have to do this because that way, how I feel will come out and then I can start building the strength up I just have to get rid of the emotion and start creating a plan. I guess I really don't have to worry too much about it, but I have to sturdy myself, build up my inner foundation then I can help build a more solid foundation with the people around me who are already making themselves open to me. I have to start with myself though. It's just one of those bubble bath and book day as I call it. I just take some me time, take a nice bubble bath and read into the situation, maybe read a good book to kind of get myself in the thinking mood. Then I just write, write how I feel, get it all out. Write down a plan, so to speak. Something I can build on. I know I am a planaholic but it helps. Tony leaving isn't the only reason I feel this way. Nicole, my niece is in the hospital with ammonia so that does not help at the moment. She is my life, my lil boost in mood, I worry about her you know. I know she will be fine, its a mild case, but still. I don't know. Well I better go...