My Journey

I am 22 and by no means am I perfect. I struggle everyday with my faith and I am thrown between what is right and wrong. I feel so lost and so confused about spirituality. I have been a Christian since I was five and I silently dedicated my life to the Lord on the bed at my babysitters house. I went to a Christian school from k-8 so that is why I was exposed to such a message when I was five. At the age of 9 I went forward in Church and publicly confessed my sins and was baptised. I grew up in Church and my mom was a christian woman. My dad believed ,but he is so consumed by the things he can't do that he wont come forward in faith or even go to Church for that matter. But he always encouraged my faith and my beliefs. Well I was in a safe haven from k-8 at First Baptist Christian School and then high school came around and I chose to go to a public school where I came to realize I didn't understand what I believed but I believed it because my in my heart I knew it was right. Well issues raised in my quiet little church and I became negative towards it. And at the same time I was in a relationship with someone who would cause me to question everything I believed. But even though I knew what I believed was right , I drifted. All of a sudden true love waits was not the case for me, I gave in and continued to give in, relationship after relationship and with my hubby before he was my hubby. I still feel its a personal choice but now that I am married I have an understanding as to why it is important to wait. I am still unsure how I will present this topic to my kids, but hopefully by that time the Lord will show me. I have regrets and a pass though it wasn't "terrible" it still haunts me to this day. I have to say, proudly, I have never lost faith completely in the Lord, and I have always continued to come to Him when my world seemed to be crashing around me. I know we should not only come to him in times of need ,but I was struggling with how I felt about everything. But at least I knew He was always there. Here I am now, still lost and confused but I have faith in the Lord. I am back to that "baby" stage in my Christianity and I am slowly learning and slowly growing, but I will always struggle with legalism. To drink or not to drink, to have fun and go out dancing with the girls and not to . At least according to my mother I am not living in "sin" anymore by be married as opposed to being engaged and living with my fiance' but this is my life. These are the decisions that I have chosen and whether they are right or wrong in other people's eyes, the only One that matters is my Lord. I read, I believe it was in Philippians. One of Paul's letter that still intrigues me today. To sum it up he said your relationship with the Lord is personal. No one can share or really understand my relationship with the Lord because it is personal. My convictions are what the Lord speaks to me to guide me. Sometimes I feel like Jacob. That no matter how many times I fall of the bandwagon, the Lord loves me and will be there to pick me up and encourage me. I feel I have room for error because if I make a mistake the Lord knows me and how to speak to me and will correct me . So I may still be lost and confused. I may still be intimidated by those who are farther along in their faith then I am, but I know the Lord will show me in time all that I wonder.
I still have many fears that need to be conquered and I still need to learn how to completely give it all to Him, but I am on my way there. I am learning and slowly, I am growing stronger in Him.
so here is where my journey continues...

sweet :P

Bucket list

I was tagged for this on facebook and I thought it was pretty cool...if anyone reads this blog lol....I think they should do this too....

Here is my Bucket list :P

The Bucket List. Place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not, then send it to your friends (including me).


Things you have done during your lifetime:
( ) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
( ) Watched someone die
( ) Watched someone being born
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(X) Been to Florida (I live there!!! lol)
( ) Been to Hawaii
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been on a helicopter
(x) Been lost -
(x) Gone to Washington, DC -
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep -
( ) Played cops and robbers
( ) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang Karaoke
( ) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't.
(x) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) Watched the sunrise with someone
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
(x) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
(x) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(x) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
() Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
() Been on a cruise
( ) Traveled by train
(x) Traveled by motorcycle
(x) Been horseback riding
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
( ) Been to Disneyland
(x) Been to Disney World
(x) Truly believe in the power of prayer
( ) Been in a rain forest
( )Seen whales in the ocean
( ) Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
(x) Been water-skiing
(x) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
( ) Been to a Major League Baseball game
(x ) Been to a National Football League game
(x) Been Married
( ) Had Children
(x) Made a significant difference in someone's day
( ) Made a donor card
( ) Read the Bible front to back
( ) ran a long distance race
( ) ran naked with a group
( ) drank from a $1000+ bottle of wine
( ) killed a deer
( )traveled alone in a foreign country
( ) Been to Asia
( ) Been to South America
( ) Been to Europe
( ) Been to Africa
( ) Been to Australia
( ) Shot a fully automatic weapon
( ) Flown a plane
( ) Been to New York City

** Have fun!

I am going to challenge myself.

I have 5 classes, I work a part time job, I have a wedding in like three months. I am slacking at school, I like my job, and I have planned the wedding in my head but have yet to actually put anything into action. I wanted to loose ten pounds and I have probably gained 5! So here is my challenge. I am going to go to the gym tomorrow and the next day. Walk with a little more umph. I am going to continue to pack my lunch and I am going to limit our going out and eating fast food. Valentines day is probably going to be the exception to that rule, but my goal is to loose weight, save money all while completing school work and working. Here I go.

February 2, 2009

FOR TODAY Februay 2, 2009
Outside my window...I see the street
I am thinking...about these salt and vinegar chips I am eating
I am thankful for....my husband :P
From the kitchen...I see my dining room :P
I am wearing..yoga pants and a knit top
I am creating...memories
I am going...enjoy the super bowl, well kind of lol
I am reading...Life Lessons with Max Lucido - the book of John
I am hoping...this marriage will be all I think it will be :)
Around the house...is a few friends.
One of my favorite things...Salt and Vinegar chips
A few plans for the rest of the week: school work and school...work later on this week
Here is picture thought I am sharing...

Tony and his second hero Tony